It's been a weekend to say the least. I have experienced turmoil on almost every front I can think of currently. I lost an office via phone near the end of the week. I had already been adjusting my job to carry functions I wouldn't normally have time to personally own. I find out my illness is not covered by insurance while at the doctor on my wife's birthday and then end our beautiful evening with a string of "close but no cigar" incidents where every single plan I had to woo her falls through.  As we arrive home, I look at my cell and see some calls and a text message. Turns out my mother is in the hospital and the intent is to not make it out alive.

Did I mention I still had a ton of homework due?

Nope, because it didn't matter.  School is great, but life matters.

Before you get the wrong idea and stop reading before you get to see that the statement above is quite the opposite of the entirety of this post, track with me for a second.

I love school. Even more than my odd, but natural enjoyment of school and learning in general is my love God's Word. Beyond that, I am completely humbled (which is abnormal for me to be quite honest) by my church and all of the students in the school. I am sitting in the mountain full of gold in the Hobbit movie, except without the dragon, and the intent of all involved is to fill me with knowledge in the saw way you could imagine being invited to acquire and load up as much gold as you could possibly take! It is the great pleasure and business of all involved to load me with a wealth of knowledge, resources, and lifelong relationships to head into the world and enjoy a life of lavishing these riches on others.

The problem is that I only have so many pockets, a single backpack, a couple hands, two shoes…..we could get creative here, but you get the point. There is more to be given than can ultimately be received and carried off in the end. This becomes even more weighty when life cuts the thread out of your pants pockets. 

God is in control. We are not. To be a bit more personal, I am not, and I am extremely more aware of it today.

My mother survived. She is fine and made it to church today. My kids and wife are alive and kicking. I don't feel great, but I'm still able to fight for joy. Yeah, I took a couple blows, but you ought see the other guy! What slipped is school.

I'm not some superstar so most of the people who read this know me. The more you know me, the more aware you probably are of my fear of failing school. I had to leave two years ago because I couldn't raise funds. Here I sit today fearing failing because life kicked my behind in just the blink of an eye. Instead of being anxious for nothing and worrying with today's troubles, I looked ahead and saw my plans to do great things with this gift of school get picked apart. "If you don't get all A's, no chance of seminary at Bethlehem. No seminary at Bethlehem and no Bethlehem sending you back to Little Rock to raise up others in a DCP Co Hort (of course they don't even know thats on my heart).  Just that quickly, I had not only become God to myself as I placed my future based on fleeting feelings and ideas, but the real, one true God came and smashed them in a split second. None of those plans really mattered.  My wife mattered. She is here. My kids mattered. They are here. My mom mattered. She could easily have not been here. The souls at stake still sit there in limbo, at least to us. God has it all worked out. 

When everything fell apart, life still mattered. Praise God that He does not require perfection and I can count on His plan being better than all of mine.  

I'm going to do my best in school. I really consider it a great honor and blessing to be in school. The goal is to get equipped to love people. School has taught me that you can just as easily love somebody without having received schooling. That's how most of the school folks make it through. People without degrees who make ways for them to go and feel loved and cared for while they are there. Worst come to worst, I want to look like Christ and be living the life of service to my family…..with or without a bible degree…maybe with just a bible and a heart God has given to love Him and others as myself…..and that would be enough.

God works with that.

I learned that in Bible School.